Let Me Get Mine, You Get Yours [NSFW]

The first segment of the Does Normal Exist? series. A series of articles and interviews focusing on people who appear normal but lead odd lives. 

Imagine the scene. One of my friends tells me a secret. Swears me to secrecy. I find the secret fascinating and say ‘can I write an article on this?’. He, surprisingly, happily consented as long as absolute anonymity was ensured. Which it is.

Anyway, what I am allowed to say is my friend is 31, married and has one child. He works in advertising, loves football, beer and having fun with men in sauna’s behind his wife’s back. He’s never told anybody but me, he still considers himself to be straight and he refuses to kiss these men; he can’t kiss people he isn’t attracted to.

So, here is my conversation with Mr X himself:

The whole time we’ve known one another, I’ve considered you to be ‘one of the guys’. Your average beer-swigging, football watching, tits ogling straight guy! How did this all start?

When I lived in my old city, I was bored -a lot-. I found myself constantly on the internet. Not sure if I was seeking company or entertainment but I eventually found myself on chat rooms looking for women. This was before I even met my wife and I was just looking for a bit of fun. When I was searching the chat rooms, I found ‘bisexual’ and ‘gay’. It’s easy to justify going into the bisexual chat room when you’re a straight man of 27 who’s never doubted his sexuality; bisexual girls are more willing to experiment and be open-minded. As the night went on, though, I didn’t care about gender or sexuality. I was at the desperate stage, to be frank. I was mainly looking for people in my area.

I arranged a few meet-ups and backed out. I didn’t want to be one of those people that they all complained about, the ‘time-wasters’ but I was nervous, inexperienced with this kind of thing and I had a few questions pressing on my brain;

  • Is this legal?
  • Is it wrong?
  • Is it safe?

Then I met somebody who seemed to be on the same wavelength as I was and everything suddenly seemed less daunting. Before I knew it, I was in his car, getting sucked off. It was a short meeting. Literally ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am.’

After a while, the chat rooms weren’t enough. I google’d and found a popular dating site exclusively for men. It seemed perfect; all I needed was an e-mail address. My curiosity got the better of me and I joined. Almost instantly I was getting so many messages, it was overwhelming and gave me a bit of a kick, to be honest. Questions such as:

  • ‘What are you looking for?’
  • ‘What are you into?’
  • ‘Can you accommodate?’

The final question is the one that’s asked the most and one that always raises questions for me. If they can’t accommodate, why not? Are they married? Are they ashamed?

Eventually though, it will inevitably lead to a car meeting. Which is good for both of us, privacy-wise. I know his licence plate number and he knows my mobile number. The car meets are also pretty simple, lights off, and a quick moment to figure out who wants to be the first one to suck off. I usually go second [in receiving] as I can’t bring myself to suck somebody else off once I’ve came. The idea actually makes me feel a little sick.

Most men do swallow but won’t use condoms. I see that as a fair exchange.

Unsurprisingly, married men tend to leave as fast as possible.

Once I moved away, though, I found a sauna in my area. There’s one steam room, one sauna and one jacuzzi. There’s also a dungeon and a sex-swing room. As well as several booths and a TV room. In there I’ve been spit-roasted, had a mini-orgy with me in the centre of it and a few onlookers but I prefer one-on-one.

Are you ashamed of what you do?

No. I would be far more ashamed of myself if I didn’t have the guts to go through with doing something I enjoy. The guilt does actually seep through from time to time.  At first it was quite debilitating but now I know my wife is getting a much better husband when I get home.

What’s the furthest you’ve gone with another man?

Spit-roasting (ED- straight to the point! Or, er, not…)

It was interesting. I was far more into being sucked but for a few minutes, literally a few minutes, I fucked him. I also swallowed a man’s goodness that night. I feel that was brave, dangerous and very intimate.

Do you dislike giving and receiving anal sex? 

I find both giving and receiving to be very, very sore. I’m also not very keen on giving it, just not what I’m looking for at-all.

Do you enjoy having such a sordid secret? Do you get a kick out of the fact that you may get caught?

I love having a secret. I love owning it, having it as ‘my’ thing. It feels exciting but as for getting caught, not at-all. I’d walk away from casual sex if I thought there was a risk of getting caught.

What would your wife say if she knew?

I dread to think. Devastated wouldn’t cover it. She has a heart of gold and I’d never see our daughter again.

Have you ever told these men that you’re married? If so, what was their reaction? What do you do with the wedding ring?

I hide it. If someone glanced at it, I feel it’d kill the mood. Then again, some men sit and talk about women and pussies, we’re not all that different in there.

What’s your preference with men?

I personally prefer older men. They’re far more gentle and I find solace in them. They don’t rush at-all

How much older is ‘older’?

45 is the youngest. Ideally, I like men around the age of 50 with a normal body. 60 years and above are quite fun though, I get to show off a little.

How do you justify cheating on your wife? How would you feel if it was her doing this kind of thing?

If I were to find out she did this, it’d mean she wasn’t as careful as I’d hope she would be.

I think cheating is sleeping with the local slapper for the sake of it. I don’t think what I do is cheating. What I do is be careful and always come home. I also don’t know how she spends her time and I genuinely am a dirty person.

I’m a slut and I don’t think that’s a bad word. I just love sex. I love people who love sex. I don’t deny myself anything, either. My mum died four years ago and it kind of put a lot of things in perspective for me; life’s too short to deny yourself simple pleasures that are basically harmless.

Could you ever have a romantic relationship with a man, do you think?

No but if I lived in another city, I’d happily date a pre-op transsexual.

Oh! Interesting twist. Why?

I’d have somebody who feels like a woman (physically) but understands me.

Don’t you mean post-op, then? 

No. Pre. Tits and dick.

Oh, so you like the idea of having the best of both worlds?

Kind of. All I know for certain is that in an ideal world, I’d have a girlfriend who was open-minded.

Would you date somebody who was like you? Or would it be too much to deal with?

Fuck yes I would. I’d love a girl who went out, fucked another guy and came home to tell me she loved it. I love naughty women, always have.

Final question. Pussy or cock?

I’d always choose women over men, hands down. As for giving oral? I don’t know. I haven’t went down on a girl in a long, long time.

How do you feel about this article? What do you think of Mr X based purely on this? 

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One comment

  1. Interesting angle for an article. Really gives a bit of an insight into what goes through people’s heads when they do this sort of thing. Really brings home the fact that- especially when you’re looking at the dark underbelly of life- you always find yourself questioning what “normal” actually means, if anything at all.

    That said, I can never ever think of any scenario where cheating would be okay. Whether you’re unhappy in your relationship, or as this fella says “just love sex.” When cheating, you’re not only a liar- and making an aspect of your life a lie- you are betraying the trust of your partner, and that is a hard thing to ever repair if it’s broken- hell- its almost impossible. As a person who has been cheated on I know exactly how that feels.

    Mr X. might want to spare a little more thought for someone other than himself. The fact he fully acknowledges that his wife would be devastated, and that he risks cutting himself off from his own child; and yet still continues doing what he’s doing, absolutely disgusts me. The only justification given is that callous cliche: Life’s too short. What’s more important to him? His family, or getting a blowjob in a car in some back alley?

    I don’t know this person, and I likely never will, but part of me wishes that the whole sordid business gets uncovered and his life comes crashing down on top of him. IF his “simple pleasures” are so “harmless” then why is it a secret at all? It’s because, as Sarah hinted at in the interview with a telling question, he wants the “best of both worlds”

    So Mr. X, if you read this response, have your filthy sickly cake and eat it too.

    But I hope you fucking choke on it.

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