I have always hated celebrating new year. I’m too much of a melancholy person, I can never reflect on good memories or things I’ve achieved- I always focus on opportunities missed and the things that are still out of my reach. I have also always been fantastic at holding a grudge. It’s time to change both of these things.
I’m fiercely loyal and if I’m on your side, I am there ’til the death. Whether you’re wrong or right, I am on your side, I’m there whenever you need me- whatever it takes. If you do anything to hurt me, that stops. I can’t get it back, it just stops. I also apply this to people who hurt my friends. It is a nice way to be in that I’m a good friend but I have grudges that are years old and there is no need for them any more. It’s wasted energy, it’s resenting versions of people that don’t even exist any more. Nothing is affected by my resentments other than my own mental health.
This new year, I’m doing exactly what I’d want to do. I’m spending it with my best friend, my boyfriend, my cats and good music. I’m seeing out a year I really enjoyed experiencing with people I want to keep around next year. I’m keeping it understated, I’m avoiding drama and, best of all, I feel relieved even saying it, I’m letting go of grudges. Even recent ones. I’m not saying I’m forgiving those who have done me wrong and I’m not saying I’ll be a pushover any time soon, I’m saying I’m letting go. For better or worse.
Negativity is something that drags you down without you even realising. Being consistently cynical, untrusting and angry eats you up eventually. Holding grudges eats you up. In the past 18 months, I’ve adopted a Positive Mental Attitude and have tried to see the good in all that life has thrown at me. It sounds a little ridiculous but it’s actually made my life a lot better in so many ways. In 2013, I achieved things I would never have dreamed of. I got a backbone, I found some pride in my work and I did all I could to get to where I want to be. I truly feel thinking positively and facing the day, no matter what the day, is what I have to thank for this year. I want to extend that to grudges.
Starting a new year without resentments or negative feelings is exactly how it should be. Nothing can be done about the past once it’s gone. With or without apologies, explanations etc, you need to move away from it.. I need to move away from it. People tend to roll their eyes at extreme resolutions and a lot of jokes are made about people who try to make huge changes as they enter a new year but I think… what better time?
There’ll be a lot of blog changes as well- I’m going to actually categorise this mess of a website!
What changes are you making?